Have you ever been hurt? I don’t mean just being upset or annoyed at something or somebody. Let me put it this way. Have you experienced the level of pain that when you just sit still, and your mind wanders to the incidence you feel your eyes tear up?
Hurt is a terrible feel and when you have gone through it, you find it difficult to cause or inflict such pain on any other person. Because it is just that bad. Though this is not always the case, this is the point we are intending to reach at the end of this post. I was having a conversation with a friend and in the course, we came to the realisation that the reason why some people are still able to hurt others is because they confuse the anger they have gone through for hurt.
I have had a few experiences and one thing I am certain of in the process of being hurt and healing from it is that it is a feeling I do not want anyone around me to go through. However, in realising this, I have also realised that you only get to this point when you first heal properly from the hurt, And when you understand how damaging it can be to go through such pain even unconsciously.
In today’s post,
I’ll share with you what happens when you do not properly deal with hurt or heal from it wholly.
You hurt people.
We often say “hurt people hurt people” and this is absolutely true. But if you have gone through hurt and come out of the feel, you actually do not want to cause such pain on others. As humans, we are prone to hurting ourselves, and this could be intentionally or unintentionally. This history of hurting our fellow human dates back to the days recorded in the bible. The first man hurt God with his actions, Cain hurt Abel, Lot hurt Abraham, Jacob hurt Esau, Penninah hurt Hannah, Peter and Judas Iscariot hurt Jesus, and so much more.
Sometimes we would hurt others with our words, actions and inactions. Sometimes, it is inevitable. However, it is important to deal with hurt. Because if you do not, you go around thinking you have all the justifications you need to hurt others. It is important to note that if you cannot take it, then do not dish it out. If you cannot take the pain that is felt by hurt, then do not put yourself in the position to hurt others.
This is a common sign that somebody has been hurt. Again, I have realised that depression could either be allowed or disallowed. If you ask anyone, they will give you some reasons why they should be depressed. But you either choose to remain there or come out of it. A basic definition for depression is extreme sadness. And this comes from feeling hurt by people you do not expect it from or situations of life.
If you do not properly deal with the hurt that you feel and the pain that you go through, the chances of falling into depression is very high. Because you are constantly thinking of what was done and why it was done to you rather than choosing to come out of it a better and stronger person. Rather than remain in the hole of pain, decide to come out of it, deal with the hurt and heal properly. It is important to be a whole person.
Some people are just very bitter people. The sad thing is that they were not always like this. But because of what they have gone through and did not completely heal from, they become very bitter that they always see negativity in every situation. Such people never have good things to say about people, friendships and relationships. They are always spiteful.
If you do not properly deal with the hurt that you go through, you see relationships from the lens of that hurt and have a distorted picture always. Because you did not deal with the hurt, you have a damaged picture of what relationships should look like and you react in that way. The problem with this is that you do not genuinely see the blessings that relationships can be. And you deprive yourself from enjoying great friendships and relationships.
Some play with sarcastic words and comments, I happen to be one of those people. But there are some others who are always sarcastic. Every word that comes out of their mouth has a tone of sarcasm. Sometimes they know this, other times, they are not aware. Sarcasm is a coping mechanism for hurt. Because it is deflective and hides how you truly feel about certain things including interpersonal relationships. Sarcasm is cute in small measure, but when it becomes your everyday response, it becomes ugly. Rather than become a sarcastic person, deal with the hurt you are feeling and heal from it.
You become an evangelist of what you do not believe.
This one is interesting because a lot of us do it either consciously or unconsciously. We begin to condition our mind to believe what we know deep down is not true neither is it what we exactly want. The problem with this is that at the point when you get here, you embody this falseness so well you almost convince yourself that it is true.
An example of this is expecting something that you truly desire and in an attempt to get it, you get hurt. You then conclude that you just might be fine without getting this thing that you know you really want.
Two practical examples come to mind, academics and marriage. You’ve always wanted to get a degree but you have tried severally to get admission all yielding to failed attempts. You then begin to condition your mind that maybe school isn’t for me. Or you had a relationship that was so close to marriage and then you get heartbroken. You now start to condition your mind that there are no good partners again so you are fine as you are though you want to build a family.
This is not to say that school is for everybody or some people really do not want to get married. But if these are things that you know you want, do not let yourself get to the point of putting up a fake front of not wanting these things. Because when the opportunity comes for you to get them, you block it away with your nonchalance.
There are several ways to deal with hurt and to make sure that you heal properly. The essence of this is to avoid unclosed wounds and to live your life free of pain and damage. I wish I could share with you how to properly deal with hurt but it’s not a complete work. As soon as it is complete, trust me to share it with you. But while you wait for this post, know that you are able to heal from whatever pain and hurt you have felt in your own way and in your own time.
Don’t rush the process but make sure that you are on the process and journey to wholeness.