I’m almost sure that at this point, most of us are tired of seeing the word “entanglement” anywhere. Probably because this now has a completely new definition as to what it meant before. Prior to recent happenings that has led to the use of this word, entanglement meant cords being tangled together. So, we would say “the chords have been entangled”. Right now, this is not the case, and this new definition, if it has not come to stay, will be used as a getaway from many issues.
There have been several points of view for the story that broke out with this word. And even before I finished writing this article, I saw a completely different perspective. The good thing about issues and stories that break out is that there will always be different sides to be seen and analysed. And people will get different understandings from the happenings. That being said, this story struck a very different chord for me and I saw a different light in the situation. Maybe not completely about entanglement.
Disclaimer: I am not a marriage relationship expert, so that is not what I am here for, neither am I pointing accusing finger at anyone.
Here are my top lessons from the “Entanglement” saga
So, without further ado, let’s get right in
Hurt people hurt people
This is a common saying (at least I think it is). But sometimes, we do not know the gravity of the hurt we go through until we see the level of hurt that we can cause others. Sad, but it’s true.
As humans, we are prone to hurting ourselves, and this could be intentionally or unintentionally. This history of hurting our fellow human dates back to the days recorded in the bible. The first man hurt God with his actions, Cain hurt Abel, Lot hurt Abraham, Jacob hurt Esau, Peninnah hurt Hannah, Peter and Judas Iscariot hurt Jesus, and so much more. Sometimes we would hurt others with our words, actions and inactions. Sometimes, it is inevitable. However, it is important to deal with this hurt so it does not fester and become bitterness. There is nothing worse than a bitter person. (Okay, maybe there is, but you get my point).
When you get hurt, and you don’t deal from the hurt, it festers and becomes an internal poison, which technically is bitterness. It is very necessary and important for our emotional health to deal with hurt. One of my new favourite podcasts with Dr Anita Phillips sheds better light on this. (funny, the podcast is called “In the Light”). So, when you have been hurt by a person or a situation, talk about it. Talking about it could be in different ways. You could talk to the person in question about how you felt, talk to a friend, a therapist, or a pastor.
The focus should be letting go of the pain that you feel so you don’t become a time-bomb waiting to explode. When hurt is not properly dealt with, it becomes an instrument that could be used to justify hurting others, hence the statement “hurt people hurt people”. This is from the perspective of being hurt by someone.
On the other side of this coin,
If you have hurt someone, acknowledge what has been done and fix the situation. Fixing will include apologising rather than manoeuvring your way out of the situation. Seeing your ability to hurt or injure a person is not a nice sight. It’s worse if it is someone that you care about (I for one dread the realisation that I am capable of hurt). So, we instinctively try to justify our actions or inactions. this only hurts more. Explaining your way out of a pain that you have caused does more damage and insults the hurt person (and this is one clear picture from the entanglement on social media).
If you have hurt someone, or someone tells you that they have been hurt by what you did, don’t insult them by downplaying your actions or giving explanations that in actual sense, doesn’t matter. Acknowledge that what you did was wrong and apologise. The world will be a better place if we do this more (literally).
And this is not just for dating, courting or marriage relationships. It goes for all forms of relationships. Imagine how many friendships would have been saved if there was actual communication between parties involved. Imagine how many better individuals we would have if we dealt with our pains and issues.
Trust me, I know dealing with pain is not as easy as I have said. Usually the first step is having a conversation. This conversation could be with a friend, a mentor, a pastor, therapist or/and God. If you are not up to having the conversation with a person, journal your thoughts and walk through it with God. And when you feel better to speak about it, please do. But to avoid getting into entanglements, to be emotionally healthy and to be at peace, read the whole article again.
Love and Light